Today is my birthday. My 42nd birthday, to be precise. Which in terms of years, seems really old, but I don’t feel long in the tooth at all. Though, my back hurt like heck after 2 days of gardening, and my knees cracked getting out of bed this morning, so I guess some days my body does feel 42. And some days it might look 42, although I would like to think it looked 32, or 22, but most days…it rings true at 42. But young at heart, yes. Young in spirit, you betcha.
Another year of living and learning has passed; and as I sit here eating birthday cake for breakfast, I have to ask myself – does older = wiser?
One would hope that with the injustice of the body deteriorating little by little, that other parts would benefit. Like, when they say – blind people hear better. With every creak in your bones, and every crease on your face, you should become wiser than you were the day before. That’s only fair.
I feel settled and content. Which is boring…but glorious. I like sitting under my willow tree and writing while the breeze blows. I like pulling together a great meal, or curling up on my front porch with a good book, and a hot tea or cold cooler. It’s not the carefree days of dancing until the wee hours in a club, or the nonchalant lifestyle of throwing away a perfectly good relationship because he wears bad shoes….but it is freedom all the same.
Life in my 20’s was deciding who I wanted to be. Life in my 30’s was striving to get there. Life in my 40’s seems to be, so far, enjoying the ride and exhaling just a little. I realize I’m 42, not 82; I’m not saying I sit around playing canasta and talking about my many ailments. I’m just sayin’, you get to breathe a little easier in your 40’s, and I like it.
I wouldn’t go back to being 25 again, even though it would mean I could wear my size 2 jeans, and get it on with young smokin’ hot men. Apparently with some effort, I could still do those things, but it seems like so much work, doesn’t it? I know I don’t want the downsides life hands you in your 20’s – the inconsistencies of lovers and friends, the obscurities of finding your path, the insecurities of who you are vs. who you want to be. Ugh – those days could be horrid, couldn’t they?
But…the smokin’ men and size 2 jeans sure were nice.