Boundbytheword Blog

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Eat Me February 23, 2011

Most writers I know have a penchant for delicious food. An actual weakness of sorts. Not eating it, but describing it in sensuous detail. All the particulars are included: the taste melting in your mouth, the smell as it hits the senses and makes your mouth water, the firmness of it as you hold it in your fingers or slide it onto your fork, and how simply beautiful it looks on the plate. Every detail is important because you want the reader to want it. Need it. Almost taste the food you are describing, as if it’s on their very tongue as they take in the words.

For me, that same passion for food flooding the senses has crossed over into other areas. I’ve spent the last several months looking for a perfume to replace the one that’s getting down to the very last drops of the bottle. The Jaqua scent is my favourite because it smells just like buttercream icing. There’s just something wonderful about having people sniff you and want to sniff you more. I get a lot of “You smell so good, I could eat you.” And somehow, this makes me incredibly happy.

It makes sense then, that the panic would start to set in every time I give myself a spray and feel the bottle getting lighter. I can’t just go buy a bottle; it was a gift that a friend got down in the States. But in the day of online shopping, I put my anxiety to rest, assured that I would just order online. Needless to say, I was disappointed to see the “online shopping coming soon” tag on the Jaqua website.

I was thrilled when we planned our vacation last month, figuring in Florida I’d hit a few drug stores or a department store and stock up for the next five years of smelling delicious. But apparently it only sells in small specialty salons. Damn, my trip to Target was in vain.

So if I can’t buy it online or in a store, I figured there were likely many sweet-smelling perfumes to choose from, so the hunt was on. And hunt I did.

I sniffed everything from high-end designer fragrances to cheap sparkle bottles made for little girls. Nothing. They were all too flowery, or musky, or spicy, or fresh. I wanted sweet. I kept telling the women behind the counter, “Sweeter! I want to smell like food.” After several hours and several saleswomen, I decided maybe I was the only one in the market who wanted to smell like I had baked myself in sugar. Maybe I’d have to hang up my sniffer, and be happy to smell like normal women, rather than baked confections.

My last attempt was at a local drug store. After consulting with the cosmetician and sniffing Paris, Britney, Playboy and Hello Kitty, I decided to call it a day, grab my shampoo and toilet paper, and go home. Low and behold, down the shampoo aisle, a beam of light seemed to shine down on a bottle adorned with little marshmallows. The bottle beside it had cubes of brown sugar, and the one beside that – a glorious fluff of pink candy floss. I stopped dead in my tracks, could it be my search was misdirected all along, and all I ever needed to do was call out – “Calgon, take me away?”

Sure enough, I sprayed the three bottles into the air and got whiffs of marshmallow, brown sugar, and candy floss. Perfect, I’d be edible in no time.

I brought the windfall home and lined the three bottles of Calgon body sprays up on the counter. I had momentary buyer’s remorse, thinking that in my frantic hunt I may have been overenthusiastic about my find. After all, the only women I knew that actually wore Calgon scents were over 85. No matter, I called in my family for an official smell test. I sprayed the first scent.

My husband guessed lavender. My son guessed paint.

“It’s a food!” I prompted, “Think food, and smell again!”

My daughter guessed chicken nuggets.

Calgon take me away, indeed.

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23 Responses to “Eat Me”

  1. Cryssa Says:

    Thanks so much for the laugh first thing in the morning. I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to smell like food, but it makes sense. I bet anyone at a drop of a hat can remember the exact details of a cinnamon bun fresh from the oven, and the feeling of euphoria that goes with it. Not a bad thing to have them remember you with the same joy.

    • You’re welcome. I’m back to late night writing for some reason, and I get a little punchy, which works out great for blogging!

      And you’re right – I can remember the euphoria that comes with the smell of hot cinnamin buns. Yummy!

  2. Diane Bickle Lehman Says:

    I can totally relate. I used to have a scent that smalled like fresh baked cinnamon buns. I put it on one morning after my shower and headed to the local Winners. As I was checking out – a young guy behind the counter said to another sales woman “Do you smell cinnamon buns?” I pretended to look around, and he kept on saying “Now I’m hungry”.

    Love D

  3. Lisa Says:

    I love it. I once saw an essential oil kiosk that sold chocolate-scented oil. I tried to get several men to buy it, figured it was a sure-fire way to make them irresistible to women. None of them went for it.

    Wal-Mart sells a line of body care products that smell like food. The vanilla one is my favourite – smells like vanilla and brown sugar. There’s also strawberry, citrus, pink grapefruit, melon, pomegranate I think.

    • For as much as I LOVE chocolate, I’m not keen on the smell of candles or anything that smells like it (I guess I can sniff a fake). Interesting though, that you make mention that it would make men irresistable – you may be on to something.

      Does that mean I should be looking for a perfume that smells like meat? Eau de Roast Beef?

  4. Dave Jones Says:

    Haaaaaaaa!

    (Some people say I smell like cheese…)

    DJ

  5. Rhonda Says:

    THAT was funny!! So perfect that your family guesses sooo suit them!

    I have gone to the body sprays in the past in the attempt to smell yummy- one sad fact: they don’t last very long, at least not as long as perfume. Re-spray is essential.

    😉

  6. My family is nothing if not predictable.

    You are exactly right…the scent seems to last about 20 minutes – argh!

  7. Dale Long Says:

    HAHAHA!! Sounds like the scene from Frosty the Snowman where they are trying to figure out a name for him. “What shall we call him? How about Harold? No. Bruce? No. Christopher Columbus? No. Oatmeal?”

    Chicken Nuggets?? HAHAHA!!! Would make a great comic strip.

    I’m not a fan of sweet scents, myself. And I REALLY don’t want to know what Paris Hilton smells like…

  8. John Says:

    Late night writing must suit you.

    SO FUNNY. You had me laughing right out loud this morning. What a great way to start my day.

    “paint”? who knows maybe their are lots of people (men) that like the smell of paint.

    Thanks ((-:

  9. Hi John

    Thanks for the nod, and glad it made you smile.

    I don’t think my son was throwing an insult my way with the paint guess, after all, he even loves the smell of wet dog. I can only assume he thought the aroma of paint was wonderful. lol.

  10. Deepam Says:

    I love this post! I want to smell like food, you say. I want people to want to eat me. Brilliant! Chicken nuggets. Arghhh! Take me away, indeed. Fabulous.
    If you have not read Jitterbug Perfume, I urge you to. I think it’s right up your alley. “I stink, therefore I am”… I mean that in all the best ways!

    • “I stink, therefore I am”…that almost had me off the chair! Too funny. I’ll have to check that out for a dose of laughter!

      PS – how was the retreat? The pictures looked like paradise. Lucky duck.

  11. Norma Bickle Says:

    Too funny Noelle !!! Good job !!

  12. Erica Says:

    Awesome, Noelle! You know you could have contacted your local Avon rep! They sell a lot of fruit scented sprays, creams and shower gels. When you use it all together it lasts a long time. My kids love it when I smell like Vanilla!

    Love your blog! Can’t wait for the next post!

    • Hi Erica! So true, Avon does do good smells! I was really looking for baked goods rather than fruits, but it’s always nice to smell like melon or key lime in the summertime!

      Thanks for reading!

  13. Natalie Says:

    hi Noelle

    Do you have a Bath and Body works near you?? They have scents that make me drool just walking by. I have been soaking my skin with Body Shops Coco Butter lotion and body sprays for over 20 years. My kids say whenever they smell coconut they think of me! Calvin Klein has some great scents too I love Escape,it smells like watermelon. Which apparently men like 😉 LOL

  14. Hi Nat

    Bath and Body works? No such luck…I live in hickville now, remember? I could take a look in Barrie, that isn’t too far away. I love coconut – reminds me of years loading on the coppertone tanning oil, and climbing up on the roof for ultimate sun exposure. That was good for our skin, right? 🙂

    Thanks for reading! Hope all is well.


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