I’ve never been a huge romantic. I’m not one to believe in white knights saving the girl or “one true love”. I’ve never gushed over flowers or teddy bears, candlelight or chocolate. Okay – who am I kidding – I do get giddy about chocolate, but my feelings of adoration turn towards the candy, not the giver of said candy. Delectables aside, I’m not one who holds out for fairy-tale endings or even fairy-tale moments. I like laughter and kindness, but as for sweet-as-sugar romance – it doesn’t really ring true to me. It hasn’t helped my viewpoint that I’ve always picked real schmucks in the heart department. (current love is the exception of course). I don’t know whether it is my age (43) or my years of therapy (lots, I’m not giving you a number), but somehow my realism in the love department has turned to cynicism.
I drove into town yesterday with the radio tuned to a song popular enough that I knew most of the words in order to sing along. A song I’ve always loved, but had never really let the words sink in.
“I found a reason for me,
to change who I used to be,
a reason to start over new,
and the reason is you.”
Lovely, right? Not so much if you are in my head. What came to mind after I sang the words was, “Unless you do it for yourself alone – you’re just setting yourself up for disaster.” My heart and head took opposing sides to argue out the intention of the lyrics.
What? The Pollyanna in me protested. He loves her enough to write her a love song, to sing about how she is his everything.
Cynical me though?
Could he guilt her more? She can’t be responsible for his reason to live, his only reason to be a good person. Seriously? If he was really committed to changing, he’d have done it for himself already, instead of weighing it all on her love for him.
The cynic in me always wins out though the Pollyanna tries her best (she would of course, she’s Pollyanna). I get that this was just some guy who wrote a love song, but it irked me that he’s claims to do all this changing for her. What happens when things don’t work – he’ll just go back to being a jerk? He’ll have her to use as the excuse for being a real prick to the next girl? Nope – this is no love song folks. This is just another shining example of how people don’t want to be accountable for anything.
Now before you boys out there get your knickers in a knot – I fully understand it’s not just males that have this problem. Feel free to inject “she” where the “he'” is throughout the rant and the message is the same. Plenty of females sing love songs that send the same message: I’ll change for you, but if things don’t work out then don’t blame me for being a self-serving jerk.
Bleech. I hate “love songs”. Romantic verse can hold a lot of hidden messages. Kind hearts, beware.